finals man (may 30)

my finals plan

I'm finally almost done with my freshman year(!!!) It has really gone by quickly. Nothing has gone horribly wrong so I think it was a success. Almost. I just have to finish my finals (and hopefully ace them!)
My goal for this semester is all A's, but I'm coming pretty close to some B's. As in 92%'s in some classes. This is my plan for each of my classes and what the final is:::

PERIOD 1: PE (test tuesday)
final: 10 laps/ 2.5 miles
current grade: 92.5%
score needed on final to maintain an A: 67%
what can I do to do that: nothing really- just keep running

PERIOD 2: BAND (test tuesday)
- no final (I think). There might be some rhythm testing but I'm not sure.

PERIOD 3: ENGLISH (test wednesday)
final: essay on whose fault it was that Romeo and Juliet died
current grade: 93%
score needed on final to maintain an A: 63%- but I'm going for more of an 85%
what can I do to do that: make an outline with all my quotes/ examples

PERIOD 4: MATH (test wednesday)
final: basic math test- not multiple choice, but show work for solving like 45 problems
current grade: 92.65%
score needed on final to maintain an A: 75%
what can I do to do that: study my review packet a lot

PERIOD 5: SPANISH (test thursday)
final: multiple choice + speaking portion
current grade: 92% but on 4.0 scale- a 76 is still an A
score needed on final to maintain an A: negative 78%
what can I do to do that: anything honestly- but I will keep going over the speaking portion prompt and study the grammar and vocabulary

PERIOD 6: BIOLOGY (test thursday- last test/last day!)
final: multiple choice
current grade: 96%
score needed on final to maintain an A: 66% to get a 93% in the class
what can I do to do that: do my practice tests over and over and over hah

soulmates?? probably (not): freshman dating

I love a boy while simultaneously being somewhat young.

It's kind of miserable, not being able to do what you want to with them.

Not even in a sexual way. I just want to be able to cuddle with him without our parents thinking anything of it. 

I want to be able to randomly show up at his house without "needing a ride" or "being rude by inviting myself over."

I want to be able to have sleepovers with him. Again, not even in a sexual way. 

I want to be trusted enough to ever have him in my room. (my parents have this rule that doesn't allow boys in my room. It's understandable, but they can trust us. I don't get any privacy to be able to talk to him when we're downstairs.) 

I want my relationship to be taken seriously.

Even as people read this, they're probably thinking, "Silly girl. You're too young to be in love." 

We've been best friends for 2.5 years. I have liked him for 2 of those. He has liked me for most of that time too. We didn't start dating until halfway through our freshman year (this year). 

We try really hard to keep on the down-low. We don't really do any PDA.  We don't even hold hands because older kids make fun of us for being so "young" and "immature." 

This is all while people only 2 years older than us are making out in the halls and taking advantage of girls my age. Even the freshman-junior relationships are taken more seriously than mine, and 70% of the time the older person is taking advantage of the younger in some way. 

This is while older people are breaking up after 2 months and dating after only knowing each other for 4 weeks. 

Yes, you can laugh at the freshmen who are dating after 2 weeks, and you can laugh at the ones who break up in 1. 

But don't disrespect my relationship when I've loved this boy for 2 years and been best friends with him for even longer. 

Don't disrespect my relationship when we fight 10x less in our's than you do in yours. 

Don't disrespect my relationship when our's is much happier than yours.

We may be young, and we may "not know what we're doing", but I do know that I really love him and I will for a while. I know I'm happy with him.

how I stay organized, productive, and motivated (for school especially)

Honestly, I really enjoy school. I like having school work to do at home, I like taking notes, etc. I just like the sense of productivity that school gives me. For those reasons, it isn't that hard for me to stay motivated. But I still have a few things that I do to keep myself organized, relaxed, and most of all productive. These are things I've been doing since 8th grade to keep my grades up and help me to be more relaxed when I have a lot to do. 

Planners, please. 

When I started getting homework, I kept a list of everything I needed to do. I'll look back into my old notebooks and, even as a first grader, I kept a to-do list with all my spelling tests and books to read. It's probably my most helpful tip that I'll be sharing today. GET A PLANNER. Right now, I have this Moleskin black planner. I write every assignment, event, band practice, etc. that I get right as I get it. It insures that I won't forget to do any of my work. 

large wall reminders that can't go unnoticed

I've had this white board for years now, but I have only been using it this way for a few months. I usually start my Sunday mornings by writing a countdown to something I'm excited for, all the homework I know I need to do, some reminders and goals for the week, and maybe some workout or other plans. I put one star by it if it's kind of important; I put two if it's really crucial that I get it done. I also copy down my homework from my planner onto this board when I get home each day. Having everything I need to do visualized in front of me helps me a lot.

Another thing I use this for is studying. I'll go through my notes and write questions on the board and write them in, like a sort of study guide. It helps my studying A LOT. 

pretty binders & new desk supplies

The last thing that keeps me motivated (mostly, there's also an aspect of organization) is getting new desk supplies. I always get really excited to use things that I get. For example, I recently bought this new binder/ notebook thing from Office Max. I plan to use it for AP World History next year. (I'm so nervous for that class because apparently it's the hardest AP in the school, but it's the only one offered for sophomores. I'm also taking Chem Honors, Engish II Honors, Integrated Math 3 Stem, and spanish 2. I hope I do well. I wasn't thinking when I signed up for every above level class available.) I normally don't like history, but I'm hoping that this binder will keep me motivated to do my work more.

Okay more about the binder: I think it's so cool. Like it's compact like a notebook and it came with binder paper so I can take notes and all, but it has rings that open like a binder. This thing is going to be so great; I'm so excited. (I wasn't paid to say that, I promise!)

But most of all:

You have to motivate yourself to be productive. If you have work to do, all you have to do is sit down and begin without thinking about it. A nice binder won't do your work for you. 

I'm thinking about deleting my tumblr next year or maybe giving someone my password to keep from me so I can save it for weekends & breaks. By the way follow me: froootiful.tumblr.com. (shameless self promotion, I'm not sorry.)

alright bye

april 26 (day 3/365)

Today was a lazy day that included a shower, an egg/bagel sandwich, and a lot of catch-up work. I am not excited to go to school tomorrow, but there are only 6 weeks left until summer so I think I'll be okay. I just have to keep my grades up for one last stretch. Also, I hate feeling dizzy.

april 25 (day 2/365)

I went on a little adventure with my boyfriend again this morning and we found this river area in my hometown that I hadn't known before.

 It probably won't be like this this summer because of the drought, so I hope I can take advantage of it now until they stop the flow of it.

A tree grew over this tire, which I thought was pretty cool. 

april 24 (day 1/365 days)

my view from the window next to my bed

I was inspired to start doing the 365 day project by a blog that I was reading last night. So here it goes. Today was a hard day. It started out with my friend feeling sad because her boyfriend twisted my words and made it sound like she was making me a worse person, when really she gets me to be more social, funny, and happy every single day. That wasn't fun to sort out; she was really sad. After I talked to her about it, today was great! I have plans to go on an evening bike ride with my boy later then I'll probably watch a movie and hang up a new wall hook/shelf. This week has honestly been so long and I'm glad it's over, but the school year is slipping away faster than intended. I can't believe its already almost May oh my.

-jillian

my adorable notebook from a small store downtown

current jams no. 1

straight up what I'm listening to right now

• miles davis quartet: when I fall in love
• marina and the diamonds- happy
• christine and the queens- saint claude
• rizzle kicks- earl grey
• london grammar- wasting my young years
• marina and the diamonds- fear and loathing

The songs are all kind of sad sounding but that's just the mood I've been in. I really really love marina and the diamonds though; you should all listen to her. Also I really love the "when I fall in love" song. It's a jazz quintet (which I usually don't listen to) but I like this song. fun listening friends!

poem: over (feelings blah I know)

over

I am being overtaken by an overwhelming sadness
a very slight sadness, however
I am being overtaken by an overwhelming madness
a very slight madness,  however
Something that has always been
a slow drip

drip


drip

is now beginning to overflow my small bowl

maybe once the water hits the people below my bowl
they will tip it over in frustration
then maybe I can start over with an empty bowl

and maybe those little people will try
to plug up the little holes that they made
that are causing this overflow

maybe this will soon be
over

My view on body image disorders

So many girls (some boys too, but many more girls) have these horrible views of their body and I really don't understand why all this is necessary(???) I was anorexic for a year or two in middle school. That scares me because that is such a young age to start having body image issues. I would only eat under 400 calories a day and I would follow those dumb monthly calorie limit challenges. It was horrible. So recently I started thinking about what happened and what caused me to feel that way. I came to the conclusion that I felt that way for a few reasons. The obvious reason is the media. In the movies I would see, half the time they portrayed the 12/13 year old girl as ugly or gross and the other half they would use someone older and much more beautiful to play that role. The first one is damaging because I realized that that was how I was viewed to people of other ages, and I wanted to get less chubby, have clearer skin, all of that so I could look older. The second one might have been even more so because of the fact that I thought that I was supposed to look like those beautiful girls on tv. Why couldn't they just have the pre-teen girl be accurately displayed without putting us down? Another idea that caused this was the fact that I was comparing myself to other girls. I had several crushes on different boys and every time I liked someone, they would always like another girl. Before I had gotten involved romantically, I had loved the girl. But as soon as I knew that the boy I liked liked her, I would start to look up things like, "Why does he like her and not me?" and the search results would be seventeen articles titled HOW TO GET THE GUY. The articles would always mention something about looking better or more beautiful, and I would try to imagine how I could look better. My answer was to lose some weight. Why didn't the articles say, "better yourself,  find a passion so you'll be more interesting," or even, "don't change for a boy, he'll come around if it's meant to be." The last reason I could think of was that I hadn't been taught how to love myself. My mom would always ask if I liked her outfit or if I thought she looked beautiful or skinny. She radiated insecurity. If you want your child to be confident, you have to try to be confident or at least fake it around then. I didn't realize that it was a thing to love yourself. Ever since it has been trending to be confident, to be happy, to be content with who you are, I have been so much more confident and happy and content with myself. I just had to tell myself, "Wow, I look so beautiful. I am a goddess and I radiate beauty and intelligence and I don't need to be told that because I know it already." I didn't believe myself at first, but then gradually I started to become what I said I was. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am strong.  I am lovable. You can't be your own worst enemy.
--SOLITAIRE

a freshman's guide to surviving your first year of high school.

It's April now, which means the school year is almost over--

Freshmen will soon be sophomores, and 8th graders will soon be freshmen. 

So now I've survived the year that my younger self had been dreading.

Tbh, it was fun as hell. This year has gone by so fast and it was so great for me.

Here's how I made it through, I guess:

• REALLLYY join something. I know everyone says to join a club or a team or whatever, but they're all completely right. For me, my "something" was band. The week before school started, we all suffered through band camp. It was so hard oh my god. But when you finish that long week, you already know over 50 kids and your way around the school. The first day of school was easy for me bc I had already been through it. But if you aren't interested, just figure something out during the year. Remember, you're a freshman, you have an excuse to suck. I ended up joining the percussion ensemble this year. I am so bad at it and it was amazing. Just join something you're somewhat interested in and I promise you'll have a great time.
• Talk to upperclassmen, but don't bother them too much. You probably know some younger kids, or even kids your age, that really wanna hang out with you all the time but you're not so into that.  Definitely make friends with them though. They can give some great advice and lead you into maturing earlier. Just don't go trying to eat lunch with them. Older kids can be really really nice and they can really really like you, but most of them won't want to hang out all the time. Keep that in mind.
• Don't lose track of your school work(!!!!) You don't want small mistakes that you make freshman year impact whether a college accepts you or not. For me, freshman year was so easy academically. My school really gives freshmen a soft cushion to land on. But if you don't turn in your work, you won't get a good grade. Honestly just do your homework and study for your tests and you'll do well. 
• Don't think you're all grown up. You might think that, since older kids are doing it, it's okay to smoke and drink alcohol and have sex. That stuff really can wait. Starting with that this early can really fuck you up and give you a bad reputation if people find out. Sidenote: there's nothing wrong with fooling around (sexually) with someone you trust/ are in a strong relationship with. I would be a hypocrite if I said not to do anything. Just don't let a penis into a vagina. It's that simple. Being fingered, it feels good. Getting a handjob, it feels good. For me at least, it's all just fun. There's little to no risk of diseases or pregnancy if you're only being touched with hands. Just keep the PP out of the body k. Also don't tell people if you're fooling around, because people can take it wrong and spread rumors. 
• GAY IS OKAY. You should try to learn to accept yourself during these four years. Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's just kind of life advice, but it can really help you to be happy. 
• Don't think that being negative is cool. Try to be as happy and optimistic as possible. It'll make this year so much easier.
• Don't worry about how you look. No one actually cares. In middle school, people seemed to care a lot more than people do in high school. If you like to dress up, dress up. If you don't like it, then don't. It's all okay. 
• Don't worry if some people don't like you (!!!) It really will not affect you in the long run. Yes, it hurts, I've been there. But really it's a huge waste of time trying to get people to like you. Just stick around people you feel comfortable with and it'll be okay. 

IN SUMMARY: If you're nice, mature, and hard-working, you will be just fine. Have fun kiddos. 

--SOLITARE

University of high test scores, high grades, and an impossible amt. of extracurriculars (AKA USC)

My freshman english teacher is making her classes write this essay on college and our future life plans and I'm writing about the University of Southern California. I had heard about it from the youtuber catherine MyPreppyStyle. She says so many good things about it. 

I love USC. I love the location, the weather, the vibe, the classes, everything.

And I REALLY want to go there. 

But it'll be so difficult to get in! I mean the acceptance rate is 17%!

Sometimes I have a lot of hope because I'm a good student and I'm in the marching band and in the percussion ensemble. I have all a's, shouldn't that be enough? Apparently not. 

This summer I plan to start volunteering at the library because I love that library and it's close to my house. I think and hope that it'll really make USC (and other colleges of my choice) want to accept me.

I'm just nervous that it won't. I don't want to look back on my four years of high school and wish I'd done more. I don't want to limit my future self. 

I wanted to do cross country but it's in the fall, which is when marching season is. I just won't have the time considering I'm taking two of the school's hardest APs and all of the other above-level classes. I don't think I've stretched myself too thin yet, but if I do cross country I will have. 

but then again, schools love athletes. 

I don't know what to do.

But I hope if I work my ass off and express that I genuinely love USC that they'll accept me.

I hope.

--SOLITAIRE