health(!!)

I'm doing Cassey Ho's monthly calendar this month. I decided against following my own plan because I like hers. I'm doing her calendar a little differently though. I don't really like the workouts that she has on the weekends, so I'll be stretching on the weekends, and then on weekdays I'll follow the calendar.
I'm excited though because I got my friend to do it with me. We're going to be so healthy woop.

soulmates?? probably (not): freshman dating

I love a boy while simultaneously being somewhat young.

It's kind of miserable, not being able to do what you want to with them.

Not even in a sexual way. I just want to be able to cuddle with him without our parents thinking anything of it. 

I want to be able to randomly show up at his house without "needing a ride" or "being rude by inviting myself over."

I want to be able to have sleepovers with him. Again, not even in a sexual way. 

I want to be trusted enough to ever have him in my room. (my parents have this rule that doesn't allow boys in my room. It's understandable, but they can trust us. I don't get any privacy to be able to talk to him when we're downstairs.) 

I want my relationship to be taken seriously.

Even as people read this, they're probably thinking, "Silly girl. You're too young to be in love." 

We've been best friends for 2.5 years. I have liked him for 2 of those. He has liked me for most of that time too. We didn't start dating until halfway through our freshman year (this year). 

We try really hard to keep on the down-low. We don't really do any PDA.  We don't even hold hands because older kids make fun of us for being so "young" and "immature." 

This is all while people only 2 years older than us are making out in the halls and taking advantage of girls my age. Even the freshman-junior relationships are taken more seriously than mine, and 70% of the time the older person is taking advantage of the younger in some way. 

This is while older people are breaking up after 2 months and dating after only knowing each other for 4 weeks. 

Yes, you can laugh at the freshmen who are dating after 2 weeks, and you can laugh at the ones who break up in 1. 

But don't disrespect my relationship when I've loved this boy for 2 years and been best friends with him for even longer. 

Don't disrespect my relationship when we fight 10x less in our's than you do in yours. 

Don't disrespect my relationship when our's is much happier than yours.

We may be young, and we may "not know what we're doing", but I do know that I really love him and I will for a while. I know I'm happy with him.

archetype of myself

"Got different people inside my head, trying to figure out which one they liked best.."

me in december

My boyfriend doesn't compliment me anymore.
I know, I know.. I shouldn't change myself for him.
But even I liked myself better back then. He complimented me so much in December 2014. He always called me so cute and told me so many nice things about myself.
So I'm trying to figure out who I used to be and become myself again?? If that makes sense.

I've been looking through old journal entries, tumblr posts, and texts and trying to see what I used to do and I think I kinda figured it out. I was cute as hell.

I was very "electra heart." I acted like Marina's album itself.
I'm tuning into my inner Electra Heart at the moment by listening to all of it.

I think this is kind of fun. To just change who I am.

TRAITS I HAD:

• I didn't really care. I wore what I wanted, I didn't even brush my hair half the time.
• I wore cute little bracelets and scrunchies.
• BLACK NAIL POLISH.
• I was so nice to other people. I always complimented them and called them cute. I would say "You complete my heart" and hold up my hand in the shape of half a heart and they would complete it.
• I would make peoples' names into a greeting: for example for AJ "Hey-jay" get it?
• I would make these cute little pun jokes. 
• I was pretty independent woman-y. But that came from listening to Electra Heart so much. 

To pull this all off I need to do it gradually and I need to be natural about it. I'll just try to actually bring those traits back instead of faking them. I know I still have her in me. 

This will be fun.

future excitement (let's talk about me)

I've been going to this one library for my entire life now. It's a great library and, although I stopped reading so much, I'm always there studying or using my laptop when I need to get away from my house. I feel like it's time to pay it back now. I'm planning to volunteer there soon (!!!)

I'm not sure why this excites me so much. I'm not even getting paid. I guess it'll just be something new. My first sort of work experience, in a way. 

I'm also a bit nervous though. The whole experience requires an interview. It won't be too bad, I know, I know. I'm just kind of shy and I've never had to do an interview before! It's better that I experience it now because it's just a small volunteer job, rather than have my first interview experience be for a job I really need/want. 

So pumped though.

MORE PERSONAL THINGS THAT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT:

SO my boyfriend has shit grades. Shit as in an F in math. He's trying to get them up by doing extra work at lunch, which is the only time in school that I really get to talk to him. I don't want to hold him back from getting his grades straight or anything but I kinda miss him. Plus while his grades are low he isn't allowed to do anything outside of school. 

It really hurts because his parents wanted him to break up with me because I'm a "distraction." They're making him choose between his laptop and me. I help him with his school work and I get him out of the house. why can't they see I'm trying to help him be better? 

That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, but it just kinda hit me that they don't really like me that much. They don't really talk to me when I go to their house, even when I try to spark a conversation. It just sucks because he's important to me and it's very important that his parents like me. 

I'm disposable.

I miss him.  

update no. 2- bike explorers, healthy endeavours, birthday wishes, and bad blogging

Life has been pretty good to me recently. 

me and my ho

Kind of. Okay not so much.

Usually when I have a tough time like this, I just get tired and sort of give up.

But this time it feels different. I have so much inspiration in me, which might be coming from running this blog and reading other blogs. I'm constantly thinking about this and what I can do to make my life more interesting to read about. Here are some of the things that I'm beginning to be inspired to do. 

BIKE EXPLORERS

My boy/best friend and I have been biking everywhere together since the weather became bikeable, so basically February in California. We started out just biking to this nice café near my house to do our homework, which turned into biking to the library, which turned into biking to the park, which eventually became biking down a trail to a park that's 7 miles away. I really enjoy biking and that makes me feel really happy. 

We are starting to set even higher goals like biking to Los Gatos. It's not that much further than the park that's 7 miles away, but it's new. We also want to bike to the mall that is 10 miles away just to get In & Out. I'm getting super excited. 

                                                                                             HEALTHY ENDEAVOURS

leaning over with laughter- I'm getting happier

I also want to start running and doing more pilates again. I had been running for 4 years but then I stopped over the summer in 2014. I desperately need to start running again before I lose my endurance for good. Once Summer comes in 6 weeks, I'm going to bring my shoes home from school and start running in the mornings/evenings with my boy. Until then, I plan to do more pilates and maybe even try making my own 6 week pilates plan using Blogilates videos. 

BIRTHDAY WISHES

My birthday is coming faster than I expected it would. It's on May 19. There's honestly so much I want to ask for such as a latte machine, a fan for my room, a new paint job for my bike, a new water bottle, and this delicious tea from teavana. It's my favorite. I think it's called Samurai Chai Maté or something. It has so much caffeine though and I love it a lot. Wow, I'm such a materialistic bitch,

I looked cute; too bad I was picking my nose. no regrets. 

BAD BLOGGING

I honestly can't tell whether my blog is good or not, but what I do know is having it inspires me and that I'm having a lot of fun. It's a cool hobby to have in my opinion. Blogging is making me a better writer, allowing me to share my thoughts, and it's making me want to do so much more with myself and to pursue things that I enjoy. Like now I have the urge to begin doing pottery consistently even though I have enjoyed it for years. OOH maybe I should ask for a pottery wheel for my birthday and an oven/ kiln. I know nothing about pottery. I'll have to look into it. 

I haven't been able to find something I really really like for a while. 2015 has been refreshing to me because I'm finally discovering hobbies and passions that I have. For example, I really like biking, interior design, coloring, and running this blog now. It's inspiring me to do so much more and I'm so excited. 

may workout plan attempt

cassey ho's april workout calendar

I have been watching and doing blogilates videos for a few years now, and I love them. I'd love to be able to follow Cassey's plan, but it's really hard for me to stay motivated and do all of those videos in one day. I really like them but her videos are HAARRD. I'm considering making my own calendar out of either her videos or out of my own exercises. sooo:
I'm brainstorming ideas for a may workout calendar for myself. It's coming along well; I decided I'd do a section of the body per day thing. For example, I might go on a rotation like legs, arms, butt, abs, cardio, then flexibility would be my break sort of day. I'm just testing things out because I eventually want to put one for free on this blog so I'm experimenting with what works.
I'm more concerned about building muscle and strength than losing weight. Because of that, I'm not sure how much other people will like this since many women are looking to lose weight and really shape up rather than keeping about the same weight and just gaining muscle. It'll be free anyways. It doesn't really need to be amazing because no ones paying. This is more for me, I guess. Maybe as time goes on and I become more serious about gaining muscle (and looking like it) the plan will be better. I'll blog about my day to day feelings on the plans I have for it and what I'm eating and everything. This will be fun, I hope.

healthy (and ALMOST vegan) peach, strawberry, and banana smoothie

It's hot as balls in California at the moment (89 degrees F!!) so I made a smoothie. It's also not actually vegan bc yogurt but YEAH HERE WE GO.

It actually turned out better than I thought it would. It's super sweet. 

Ingredients: 

1 peach

4-6 strawberries

1 banana

a bit of Silk Coconut Soy Milk

a few spoonfuls of vanilla yogurt

(ice if you want, I don't use it)

HOW TO: Cut all your fruits and put them in the blender. (Add ice if you want) Then add 

some of the coconut soy milk and the yogurt. Blend it to your liking. Pour in a cute cup

 and top with some whipped cream.